To the New Mama Looking for Time

of course on top of my love of makeup and beauty I am first and foremost a mommy. I have a lot of new mommies on my Facebook and it’s safe to say that having a 6 month old and two toddlers has made me do a lot of thinking about what I wish I could’ve told myself when my daughter was born three years ago, but I can’t do that.. So maybe for other new moms out there I can help somehow.

If you’re a new mother with a messy house that can’t seem to find a moment to yourself.. If you secretly wish your tiny baby would grow up just a tiny bit and be a little less dependent on you so you can at least sleep through the night again, so you can go to the bathroom alone again, so you can watch a movie with your husband alone without him waking every hour to nurse. If you’re exhausted from hearing a baby cry all day and all you want is a little quiet time then just remember that one day your little one will be all grown up with a home of their own. You’ll have a spotless house. A silent house. No babies in your bed. An empty nest. They are only so little for such a little while, and when they are three you begin to wonder when they learned to put their shoes on themselves, dress themselves, put themselves to bed, tell you what they need, go to the bathroom by themselves.. You wonder where that tiny baby went. Don’t worry so much about sleep schedules, eating schedules, whether you’re holding the baby too much, what your mother thinks, what the book says, what Facebook says. Just love your tiny human the way you want to love your tiny human, because you will never look back and regret holding that sweet baby too much, or loving him too much. When they say it goes by quickly you don’t understand how right they are until those precious first months are gone forever. The days may pass slowly.. But the years.? They fly by.

Never be Ashamed of what you Love

Never be Ashamed of what you Love

I follow a lot of makeup artists on Instagram and for some reason I see so much hatred coming from others. They call them insecure. They make fun of them. 

You can wear makeup if you want.

Or don’t.

You can wear two different foundations every day and spend entire paychecks on makeup, even if you “don’t know how” to wear it.

If you love it, do it.

You can do your eyebrows however you want.

You can wear ten pounds of bronzer or highlighter.

You can overline your lips, and rock that shit.

You can do black eyeshadow, or black lipstick.

There is something about makeup that makes you feel more confident, even when you aren’t wearing it. 

It’s an art form.

You are NOT insecure for doing something you love.

You are NOT ugly because you feel more comfortable wearing makeup.

The people who say those things to you are the ones who are insecure, don’t ever forget that.

A New Year

A New Year

2015 has been the year of most change for me (and my hubby,) by far. We have struggled. I lost the best man I ever knew when I was eight months pregnant. I buried that man on my birthday at a funeral that I had to plan. We met the little boy who’s going to call me mama. I counted his fingers and toes. I cried. I cried a lot. We bought a new home, and said goodbye to our first one. We bought two cats. We watched our little girls turn three. Our lives have changed in more ways than I can begin to count, and yet here I am wondering where 2015 went.

Wasnt January just a couple months ago.?

2016 has snuck up on me fast, and I’m having trouble figuring out who it is I want to be this year. What I want to do..

I want to get back into photography. I want to finish my studio, and offer makeup/ bodouir package sessions, because those are two things that make me happy.

I want to be a better wife to my husband. Some days I worry that he only gets the worst of me, and I’ve been working on it. I want 2016 to be our best year yet.

I want to do my makeup often. I want to do it on the days I’m not leaving the house, and even if I have no one to impress. I want to to do what I love.

I’m going to continue to give my babies everything that I have.

I want to spend as much time with family as I can. Losing people will show you how short our time here really is.

More than anything I want to be kinder to myself. I’ve been trying to be more body positive. More loving towards myself..  It’s hard. I suffered from anorexia, and bulimia as a teenager, and I still have trouble looking at myself in the mirror, especially after two babies. I try to look in the mirror every day and find three things to love about myself. I’m trying to take Aaron’s words to heart when he tells me so often how beautiful I am. I’m trying to see myself through his eyes.

I don’t have any major changes to make in 2016. I’m pretty pleased with where I am, and where my life is going. All I want to do in this new year is to continue becoming a better me. 

I want to continue trying to love myself for me, and for everything I have to offer so that I can teach my little humans how to do the same.
*photo by Cody & Allison Photography*

To all the Girls

To all the Girls

I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately. Something I think needs to be talked about. Why is it that some of us are harder on ourselves than anyone else is.? Why do we expect so much of ourselves.?

To the girl who spends three hours doing their makeup and hair, you’re beautiful. 

To the girl who spends five minutes getting ready in the mornings, you’re beautiful.

Do you step on the scale every morning and feel your eyes well up with tears because you’re not the size 2 you were in highschool.? Do you look in the mirror and resent those stretch marks that you have now that you had your baby.? Well don’t. You’re beautiful. 

Do you compare yourself to the girls in the magazines.? The ones on tv.? Don’t. They are gorgeous, but so are you.

Perfection is just a theory. Beauty isn’t a cookie cutter, it comes in all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. 

To the girls who say horrible things about themselves, who put themselves down.. Would you be friends with someone who treated you the way you treat yourself.? 

If not then something needs to change. 

You need to cut yourself slack. You’re only human. Every single aspect of you tells a story that only you can. 

Do what makes you feel good, do what makes YOU happy. Stop worrying about everyone else because you will never please everyone.

You are beautiful. You are enough.

Born This Way Foundation

So I decided to take a before and after shot of my foundation this morning, before concealer or highlighter, no edit just foundation.  

I use Too Faced, Born This Way foundation in Porcelain. I didn’t use primer this morning, but I always apply with a beauty blender pro. It’s probably my all time favorite full coverage foundation, because it always lasts me all day, even through all the slobbery baby kisses I get from my four month old. Even though it is a pretty thick formula it never leaves me feeling cakey. I always end up with a great canvas for the rest of my makeup, and it covers 90% of my flaws without even using concealer. I’ve heard a few mixed reviews on it, but to be honest before this foundation I hated to wear any. It’s really a perfect fit for me and if you’re looking for a new go-to I recommend trying this one.!

 Find it here for $39.00, Born This Way Foundation

The Family that can’t make it to Christmas Dinner

The Family that can’t make it to Christmas Dinner

For so many people Christmas is a time filled with joy, eggnog, and family time. For others this isn’t the case. For some people, people like me, the holidays bring back a lot of painful memories, and there’s always the aching absence of the people I’ve lost. When I’m decorating the tree, when I’m opening Christmas presents, when I’m trying to enjoy conversation at dinner, it’s always there in the back of my mind.

It hurts.

It hurts to know that over the last fifteen years I’ve lost my mother, my grandmother, my uncle, and most recently, earlier this year to be specific, the man I admire more than anyone, my grandfather. 

It doesn’t get easier.

Every year I expect it to be easier than the previous year, but each year I’m hit again with the overwhelming desire to have them here. Each year there is so many new things I would like to share with my mom. So many new experiences that she’s missed. The truth is it gets harder. This year we greeted our son into the world just a month after we said goodbye to my grandfather. One of the best moments of my life was followed almost immediately by the heartbreaking reality that Oliver will never know the man who made his life possible. The man that supported me and loved me through the best and worst days of my life.  Who bragged about me, my girls, and his future great grand son to everyone he met. He always made me chili on Christmas because he knew it was my favorite, and never missed a year of sneaking me an early present on Christmas Eve. He loved me, and I wish I had more than stories and pictures to show my son what a hell of a man his grandpa was. I wish he could love him the way I do.

Pick up the phone, call your mom and tell her how your day was, ask how hers was. Take your kids to see their grandparents, and yours if you’re lucky enough to have them. Not just on the holidays either, without them you wouldn’t be here, and one day they won’t be either. Don’t dread going home for the holidays because one day you’ll stand in an empty house filled with memories and say goodbye to your childhood home. One day all you’ll have left of that family will be those memories, so make sure you have enough of them.

Love them while you can. 

In memory of Alison, Wanda, T.K, and Glen Ross.